How much do you put in a wedding hongbao?

Why there is no pound figure on this page

We went looking for one. What we found is that every specific amount that can be traced to a real source is in Hong Kong dollars, Singapore dollars or renminbi. Not one is in sterling.

That matters more than it sounds. Turning HK$1,000 into “about £100” and printing it as a British norm would be manufacturing a custom, not describing one, and a guest who followed it could be badly over or under the mark. So this guide gives you the reasoning, the numbers that genuinely exist, and the currency each one belongs to.

The most useful thing anyone said about this was said to a British guest in exactly your position, by a poster who identified as Chinese and had been to several Chinese weddings.

“As an English guest there really won’t be any expectations from you regarding red packets. However if you do wish to give a red packet as a gift then that’s fine… There’s no real set amount from a guest that you need to give. Just give what you want to.”

MoneySavingExpert, Chinese wedding red envelopes and how much money

The same poster asked the question that actually decides it: is this a Chinese banquet, or an English-style reception. If it is the latter, they wrote, “There’ll probably be the usual postbox that you can put a card in.” And a data point from the same thread, which should calm anyone agonising over the last digit: “A Chinese friend gave us money in an envelope at our wedding earlier this year and it didn’t end in 8.”

The two numbers that matter

Both are about how the number sounds, not what it is worth. This is the part that travels reliably.

Eight, because it sounds like prosperity

Wikipedia’s article on Chinese numerology gives the homophone in both languages: the number 8 “sounds like ‘發’ (pinyin: fā; Cantonese Yale: faat; lit. ‘to prosper’)”. The same page explains why 168 turns up so often — it “sounds like ‘一路发’… meaning ‘fortune all the way’”.

Because it is a sound-alike and not arithmetic, an amount that merely divides by eight carries no meaning whatsoever. The eight has to be visible in the figure.

Four, because it sounds like death

The same article notes that 4 “is sometimes considered an unlucky number particularly in Cantonese because the way it is pronounced in the Cantonese dialect is nearly homophonous to the word ‘death’”. Note the hedging in the source itself: sometimes, and particularly in Cantonese.

Applied to money, Wikipedia’s red envelope article is specific: “One widespread tradition is that money should not be given in fours, or the number four should not appear in the amount, such as in 40, 400, and 444”. The Lam Museum of Anthropology at Wake Forest University puts the pair together in one line: “Any amount with a ‘4’ is avoided… Any amount with ‘8’ is good because that is the lucky number.”

What the money is actually for

The envelope is not an abstract token. The widely stated convention is that it should at least cover what the couple spent feeding you. The clearest version of this comes from someone who did the arithmetic on their own wedding.

“I’d advise against giving too little. You should, at least, cover the expense of your lunch. My wedding was about Y2500 per table, so Y250 per guest. We received anywhere between Y200-1000 from our guests.”

eChinacities, how much do you give for a wedding hongbao — amounts in renminbi

Hong Kong sources say the same thing in terms of the venue: a Hong Kong wedding retailer states that red packet amounts “typically reflect the average cost per table at the banquet venue”, and the South China Morning Post, reporting on a Hong Kong etiquette site, describes amounts scaled to “the level of the hotel where the banquet is being held as well as the relationship between the host and the invitee, with prices ranging from HK$1,000 to HK$3,000”.

This is the one principle that transfers cleanly to a British wedding without anybody having to invent a number. If you know roughly what a seat at that reception cost, you have your floor.

What is actually given, and where

Every figure below was attested in the currency shown. None of them is a pound figure, and none should be converted into one.

Look at the Hong Kong row twice. The going rate in the place most associated with this custom is round hundreds — not the tidy ladder of eights that circulates in English-language listicles. The ladder is real in Singapore, where a named consultant recommends it. It is not how Hong Kong banquet money actually moves.

It scales with how close you are

This is the most consistent finding across every source, and the spread is wider than most people expect. In one eChinacities account, a guest who barely knew the bride was told 100 renminbi was enough as a gesture, while the bride’s cousin gave 1,000. The same thread reports a workplace convention: “Our company has an unspoken rule of 200 rmb max contribution at colleagues’ weddings.”

The Hong Kong retail guidance follows the same shape: ordinary friends and colleagues give around the median for the venue, while close friends, siblings and the wedding party are expected to give above it, and closer elder relatives higher again.

The envelope itself

• New notes. The Bank of England Museum, writing about Lunar New Year, notes that for luck the banknotes should be crisp and new and the coins shiny. Wikipedia records the practical consequence: long bank queues before the new year as people get hold of fresh notes.
• Few notes rather than many. A poster on Mumsnet: “you should give as few notes as possible… Notes should also be clean/ fresh from the cash point and not scrumpled up ones”.
• Your name on it. From the MoneySavingExpert thread: “If it is a traditional chinese banquet then there should be someone greeting guests, taking red packets and you may be asked to sign a big red cloth. You can write your name on the back of the packet so the couple know who it’s from.”
• Both hands. A Hong Kong guide to red envelope rules says to hand it over “with both hands; it is impolite if you do it with one hand only.”
• It will not be opened in front of you. From the same guide: “Do not attempt to open the envelope in front of the giver; this is also impolite.”

Where the rules genuinely disagree

Three things get stated as settled facts online that are not settled at all. If you have been told the opposite of any of these by your own family, your family is not wrong.

Even or odd

The common rule is that wedding amounts should be even, because odd amounts are associated with funerals, and Wikipedia states it. But the same article also records the reverse: “In some regions of China and among the Chinese diaspora, odd numbers are favored for weddings because they are difficult to divide.” A mainland poster on eChinacities insists on the odd version outright. Both traditions are real, and they point in opposite directions.

Coins

Some guides say notes only, never coins. The Bank of England Museum mentions shiny coins approvingly, and Wikipedia notes that “In Malaysia it is common to add a coin to the notes, particularly in hongbao given to children, signifying even more luck.” For a British wedding, notes are the safe default, but “never coins” is not a universal rule.

The four taboo

Strong in Cantonese practice, and not universal. Wikipedia records that “In Teochew culture, it is acceptable and considered lucky to give ‘red packets’ of money… in monetary groups of 4”, and the Singapore consultant recommends 48 for the bridal party. Four also reads as fa, fortune, in the Mandarin musical scale.

What to do

1. Find out what kind of reception it is. A Chinese banquet with a reception desk is a different situation from an English-style reception with a card postbox.
2. Ask someone on that side. A cousin, an aunt, the couple themselves. This is a normal question and it is asked constantly. It is also the only way to get a figure that is right for that family.
3. Use the seat as your floor. If you have a sense of what the meal cost per head, cover it. That reasoning is sound in any currency.
4. Get the digits right, then stop worrying. Put an eight in it, keep a four out of it, and accept that the exact figure matters far less than being there.
5. Write your name on the envelope. Not etiquette for its own sake. The couple have to work out later who gave what, and an unsigned envelope makes that impossible.